do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
