Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
