Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize