dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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