every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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