it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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