Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize