Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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