That's when you crack a 10am beer
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize