I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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