Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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