Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
