I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
