Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
