It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize