Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
