I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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