Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
