You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize