I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
