I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
