who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
