i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize