He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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