is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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