I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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