I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
