im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize