dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
