I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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