chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
