If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
