You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
