so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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