i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
