Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
