Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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