gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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