Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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