FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
