I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
