Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize