I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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