Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk is not a location!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
