I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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