I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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