Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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