so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize