Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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