You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize