Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
