can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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