My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
