why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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