I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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