Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
