ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
