I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
