new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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