i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
