i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
