She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
