He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think i have herpe
just one?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
