I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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