I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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