I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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