i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
