He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
