I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
