My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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