I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
