I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
