Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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