you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
