I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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