So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
