are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
