can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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