Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
