I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
