Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
