K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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