woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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