It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
