i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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