youre lurking in front of me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
