This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
