just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
