I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Randomize
