Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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