I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize