i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am spending my child support on dildos
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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