too bad you live with your parents still
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
