i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize