i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
