I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
