Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
