If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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